Tag Archive - GERD

Chronically Yours: A Sick Chronicle Of Sorts

Overture:

Two siblings, living on opposite ends of a great pond, catch up over the phone. Ill tidings of assorted aches and pains are exchanged. Morbid moroseness, often misspelled as ‘morosity’, ensues. Based on a true story from the Intrasomatic Conspiracy files. Written for those who enjoy listening to other people’s conversations.

Disclaimer:

Warning! Not for the hypochondria oriented! Please consult your physician or psychoanalyst before reading any further.

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Gil: Hello? Are you there?

Jill: Hey!

Gil: Oh! I almost didn’t see you there. How are you? I’m crappy.

Jill: Crappy or crabby? (laughs)

Gil: No, not crabby. ‘Crappy’, with a capital ‘C’. Sorry, you just caught me at a bad time.

Jill: Sorry to hear that. What’s up?

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Intrasomatic Conspiracy: Part 2 – Attack of the Medical Acronyms

“Attention to health is life’s greatest hindrance.”
- Plato

How true. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been off to the doctors recently to discover why I’ve had a plethora of medical problems over the last few years. Some might call it age, but I think not. I believe that it’s more likely that my overall level of health has been compromised at the behest of some intrasomatic conspiracy my body is apparently conducting.

Allergies, arthritis, hernias, psoriasis, Barret’s Esophagus, gum problems, sinusitis, tinnitus, ocular pressure and of course, gastrointestinal distress have all manifested themselves over the years, preventing me from attaining systemic nirvana. Lord, if I still lived in the United States, someone would have thrown the Big Golden Book of medical acronyms at me, for certain.It seems that these days, medical acronyms are omnipresent. They seem to have part and parcel of mainstream Americana(bbaseball, hot dogs, apple pie and adverts for IBS and GERD).  Purchase almost any US based magazine these days and there’s no doubt you’ll find at least 2 medical related ads before the table of contents.Not sure what a medical acronym is and why you should be concerned? Here’s a definition, especially for non-Americans who wonder where all the alcohol advertisements have gone: - a woefully long litany of letters suggesting a range of medical disorders “you might have”… according to the advertisers.

You see, since the American “powers that be” decided that it was culturally beneficial to thumb our collective noses at alcohol and tobacco advertising, these medical acronyms have bogarted the majority of all print-advertising space and television commercials in the United States. What I also find bizarre is that the proliferation and preponderance of these acronyms in advertising have made it politically correct for Americans to proudly confess they suffer from GERD and IBS, rather than from heart burn and the shits… and all in good company!

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Intrasomatic Conspiracy: Part 1 – An Ill Wind Blows

The last month or so, I’ve felt a bit like some of the characters Woody Allen has played in his films. You know the characters: the worried ones that are priming themselves for a shot at being ordained a Patron Saint of Hypochondriacs.

Yes, I can relate, except I’m no hypochondriac. As such, I’ve been on a pilgrimage to find out what’s wrong with me. I need a handle on the situation. I need clarity. I need to make some sense of the random and collective aches and pains I have … and also a few chronic conditions, to boot. Not to mention the other few medical concerns, I might be plagued with, that I read about on the Internet and that are awaiting some medical confirmation.

There are days when I feel better, and then there are days when I feel worse. My body seems to have a rhythm all it’s own and resists any attempt to improve the status quo. Really, I’m not kidding. I think there is some intrasomatic conspiracy going on somewhere in my central nervous system. Consider the following evidence:

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